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| I`m tired now. I`m tired of having to hide what I feel just so that YOU wouldn`t get hurt. You always get your way ! I`m perfectly fine with that, but if it means I have to get hurt in the process.. Maybe you should think things over. I need a break. Just for once, I don`t have to worry about you.. What you`re doing, thinking, feeling.. Just once !
I want this over and done.. I can`t live without you but it wouldn`t hurt to try for a while. Just a while. Just to think things over.
I need you. And you`re barely ever there ! What`s the point of me being there for YOU?
I`m sick of this.
Am I the only who sees what`s going on?
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| I am not okay.
However it may seem, I never will be "okay".
You give me head aches !
Migraine`s and all.
I always think about you. Just you.
Why must you do this to me?
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| Megumi was obsessive. That`s just scary, right?
I haven`t blogged here in a long time. People say blogging is a waste of time if it isn`t important, but where else can I express my emotions if my boyfriend and best friends aren`t there to listen to what I have to say? And besides, this is my other way of communicating with them. :)
I wanna go somewhere far. Anywhere far. Punta Fuego, Sagada, Subic, Baguio, Boracay, La Union, Bataan, etc. Anywhere at all. I guess it`s that feeling of being far from trouble and the boring life at home that makes road trips so exciting. The thought of a new adventure, and new faces. New emotions, possibly. It makes everything less complicated. You don`t have to deal with being grounded, or having to put up with your ignorant boyfriend(he`s only ignorant sometimes), or having to deal with the choice of doing something productive this summer.
By the beach or in the mountains. At a farm or a resort. It`s all practically a get-away from all the pollution filling up in your head and heart, and rejuvenating yourself.
I need rejuvenation. I`ve been so caught up in making myself feel good and happy, all I`ve done is stress myself out. All this sports and boyfriend stuff? It`s kind of tiring too, y`know. A beach would be nice.
The sand always makes me feel happy when it gets stuck between my toesies. The harsh sun beating on my cheeks and shoulders make me feel impenetrable for some reason. The smell of the sea makes me swoon in love. It`s my favorite smell on earth. The best part is at night when you can hear the waves crashing into the shore and the world seems so perfect, revolving around that sound.
Your phone seems to ring in timing with the waves, your sisters are jumping on the bed making the springs squeak; sweet music to your ears, and your dad`s snoring isn`t as loud as you expected it to be. Perfect in all it`s night time beauty.
And you can imagine you and some handsome young man standing perfectly still on the beach, face to face. He`s a few inches taller but you can tip toe and he can crouch. Maybe even carry you. You stare into his eyes and tell him that to you, this moment would last forever. He takes you in his arms and you cry tears of strong emotion. Emotion that you aren`t really sure of.
But that`s only something from a dream. Your real boy is at home, dreaming about you. Or it could be about some basketball game, but he`s still dreaming. And he`ll wake up in the morning to check his phone for one of your messages. He`ll expect it to be long, but it was just a simple good night message. He`s happy that you sleep a little early, but not early enough. He walks into his kitchen, and grabs the first piece of food he sees. He remembers that time when you and him were together and blah blah blah. It`s still about you. Then he texts you, hoping you`re awake already. You`ve been awake for the past 2 hours, but it`s always nice to wait for his sweet good morning message. He asks you what you`re doing, but you aren`t really doing anything. You make up something interesting but unbelievable so that he won`t be fooled(that much. Tiheehee.), and you start arguing about who loves the other more. You give up cause you know you love each other and that`s the only thing you need to know. You tell him that you`ll be right back, and in some part of his head, he`s being tortured cause you aren`t having fun with him, yet he still understands that you need to have fun without him too. When you`re back, he keeps telling you how much he wants to kiss you and you tell him you want to kiss him just as much. He calls you up a minute later, and he has that soft voice on again, acting all sleepy. You tell him you`re tired even tho` you aren`t just that he`d hang up and sleep already. Once he does, you go to your nice little corner in the room and think.
Haha. Still sounds dreamy. But you know it`ll be pretty close to that.
I`m not making sense. This world doesn`t need sense, actually. It`s summer in the Philippines and all you need is to be FREE.
So, I`m saying, take me to beach so that I can be away from anything that`s harmful. So that I can dream more happily and have happy thoughts. So that I can show my boy how hard it is without him.
Fuck it, i`m should die. Bye.
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| It's been long.
And I miss you.
:)
Good day loves.
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| We don't fight fair.
Gooooooooood Afternoon. :)
I am on a high right now. :> Or not. Whutts? :-? :))
This weekend was so insanely out of this house. Oh yes. Believe me.
Yesterday, we went to Claudia's birthday celebration. And the Cheerleader Like Mean Girls of P11 2007 sat at the trunk being shallow. GABBY DARIO. What the hell do you teach your sister? O_o Kidding. :-j
When we got there, ugh. Wala. Made cupcakes! (Super girly girl party.) Then we watched 1408. O_O No mooore. Please. :| Omg, I already watched it twice and it still scares the hell out of me. What kind off EVIL would want to make a movie like this? Whaaa.
OKAY. Well, I'll edit later. My brother wants to play erplen.
Love,
Dré. :)
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